Finding Light in the Shadows of Darkness: Coping with Loss

Grief is a profound emotional response to loss, often characterized by feelings of deep sorrow, sadness, and longing for what has been lost. Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey, manifesting in a range of emotions from anger and guilt to confusion and despair. Each individual's experience of grief is unique, shaped by personal circumstances, cultural influences, and the nature of the loss itself. Understanding grief is essential, as it allows individuals to navigate their feelings and find a path toward healing and acceptance. Let’s chat.

I recently came across a powerful analogy that really resonated with me. Picture grief as a ball and your life as a box.

When you place that ball of grief inside your life box, each time it strikes the sides, you experience the familiar waves of emotion that accompany grief. However, as time goes on your box expands. This growth allows for more space to accommodate the ball of grief, making it feel more manageable. Yet, it's important to remember that whenever that grief ball makes contact with the side of the box, no matter how much time has passed, those emotional waves will typically resurface.

When we hear the term grief, we often immediately associate it with death, I know I do, but grief is a broader concept that extends way beyond just physical death. I have experienced grief over several things, most of which are not connected to death.

Hopefully, when the time comes for me to mourn my loved ones, I'll remember to revisit this piece. Grief shows up for many other reasons too, such as the pain of a breakup or divorce, the disappointment of a career setback, or the sadness of a child moving out. We also grieve the loss of pets, friendships, and other significant relationships.

I am no where close to a grief expert, however it’s a topic I still want to discuss because I believe it’s often overlooked and can have such a profound affect on our mental health. I've noticed grief’s impact on many people. Grief is unique; it resonates on a different level. It's the heartache of losing something or someone significant that you can never get back. That changes a person.

What I do know for certain is that grief can express itself in various forms. Some individuals try to cope with their pain through various means, such as drinking or overeating. Others resort to starving themselves or inflicting physical harm as a way to escape their suffering. Some fill their schedules to the brim like me, while others retreat to their beds for weeks, avoiding the emotions they wish to suppress. Many therapists and counselors emphasize the importance of refraining from major life decisions during the first 6 to 12 months of the grieving process. When we find ourselves in a heightened state of fight or flight, it's easy to make impulsive choices that we might later regret.

Honestly no matter how much we run from it, the reality is that the weight of grief will not simply vanish. That ball isn’t going anywhere. So what are we to do? If you ask me I’m going to shout: THERAPY. THERAPY. THERAPY. I’m currently working with a therapist who will be coming on the blog later this month to discuss more tools and resources on this topic. Finding the right therapist to help you through the grieving process can be super helpful however I do acknowledge that not everyone is open or responsive to therapy. Here are some other great ways to cope with loss that I have personally used:

1. Allow yourself to grief: Accepting your feelings is crucial. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or confusion without judgment.

2. Talk about it: Sharing your feelings with friends, family, or a support group can provide relief and understanding. Sometimes, just having someone listen can be comforting.

3. Expressive healing: Writing in a journal, creating art, or engaging in music can help process grief. One thing I do a lot is write letters that I never send. It’s amazing how therapeutic that can be!

   
   

4. Workout: Physical activity, whether it’s walking, running, biking, yoga, dancing, or a fun workout class, can boost your mood and help with your mental clarity. Working out also releases those happy hormones.

   
   

5. Create a routine: From my experience, having a solid and manageable routine can be incredibly beneficial. Whether it’s a morning routine to kickstart your day or a calming evening routine to unwind, these practices can help keep us stay engaged and focused. It’s all about structuring your day.

   
   

6. Gratitude : Trust me when I say that cultivating gratitude, even during times of heartache, is essential. Acknowledging even the smallest blessings can make a significant difference. Set aside a few minutes each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Over time, this practice can profoundly shift your perspective and enhance your overall mindset.

   
   

7. Honoring your loved one: Something as simple as creating a photo album or planting a garden in honor of your lost loved one can really be cathartic. It’s all about keeping your loved one’s memory alive. My husband and I have the sweetest ornament of his late grandma, gifted to us by my mother in law. She was someone I was very close with and probably one of the more difficult deaths for me. Every Christmas, it makes me smile as we hang her up on our tree, front and center of course!

While our goal is to grow and heal, the weight of grief never fully disappears; time allows us to cope and evolve though. Postponing the healing process can deepen our grief, making it harder to cope. However, it's important to acknowledge that we also can't rush the readiness to heal either. Failing to give ourselves the necessary time to really sit in the grief can result in additional trauma. It is essential to remember that healing is not a linear journey, and we must be patient and compassionate with ourselves throughout this process. There will be plenty of twists, turns, and waves but it’s important to remember loss and grief is a natural part of life. Support is key. Today, I am sending light and love to anyone out there in a season of grief, especially one of my dear friends who just lost her mother to cancer. I am dedicating this piece to her and her grieving family.

Sending light, love, & hope,

Caitlin