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  • Writer's pictureAngela Best

Who am I? Rediscovering Your Identity

I am a wife and a mother, a journey that forever changed who I am as a person. There is no doubt that the love, joy, and fulfillment that accompany these roles are immeasurable. However, amidst the beauty and the overwhelming responsibilities, it is natural to experience a sense of loss—a longing for the person you were before, and a feeling of emptiness as you navigate your new identity. When you step into the roles of wife and mother, your identity undergoes a profound transformation. The selfless love you pour into your family leaves an indelible mark on who you are, shaping your priorities, values, and daily routines. While this is a beautiful evolution, rediscovering yourself is a crucial step in nurturing your mental health and finding fulfillment in this new chapter of life. Let's dive into self-discovery and address the questions and doubts that may arise along the way.

Motherhood and marriage bring about a profound change in your identity. My priorities shifted and my focus turned to nurturing and caring for my family. While this transformation is beautiful and fulfilling, it also left me feeling disconnected from the person I once was. The dreams and passions that I had planned for myself. The individuality that once defined me now has taken a backseat, leading to a sense of loss and a feeling of emptiness.

My identity is not only essential for my personal well-being but also for my role as a mother and wife. Here are a few steps that guided me in my  transformative journey:

1. Self-Reflection and Acceptance:

Take the time to reflect on your journey of motherhood and marriage. Feel the changes that have occurred and honour the person you have become. You have to accept that personal growth and evolution are natural parts of life.

2. Carve Out Time for Yourself: Nurture your mental health:

Make a conscious effort to prioritize self-care and carve out time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This may include hobbies, engaging in creative outlets, mindfulness, engaging in physical exercise, seeking therapy and counseling, or simply spending time alone to reflect and recharge. Do something for yourself.

3. Seek Support:

Find a supportive network of friends, and family, or connect with support groups who understand the challenges you are facing. Connecting with others who are on a similar journey can provide validation, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.

Losing a sense of self and feeling empty can have a significant impact on your mental health. It is common to experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even guilt as you navigate this journey. For the longest time, I wasn’t entirely sure what and why I was feeling this way. I was so washed up with all of these feelings at once. Ignoring these emotions can lead to further distress and a decline in overall well-being.

When I was able to acknowledge and address these feelings, I was able to take proactive steps toward healing and finding balance.

Did I miss my old self? Yes!

Did I think about the moments before I became a wife, and now a mother? Yes!

Am I a Bad Person for Wishing for my Old Self? NO!

I am not a bad person for longing for a part of my old self. You are not a bad person for longing for a part of your old self. It is natural to miss aspects of your previous identity and the freedom that came with it. Acknowledging these feelings does not diminish your love for your family or your dedication to your role as a mother and wife. It simply is a reflection of your physiological need for self-discovery and personal growth.

I have thought What If I Could Have One Day with My Old Self, What Would That Look Like?

I was reminded that I need to allow myself to dream and envision a day with my old self. What activities would I engage in? What passions would I pursue? It’s important to think about this day and how it aligns with my current values and interests. While it’s not possible to turn back time, this can help with identifying aspects of our past self that still hold meaning and provide insight into the person you aspire to be as you move forward.

Becoming a wife and mother is a transformative journey. One we don’t fully anticipate. While it brings immense love and joy, it can also leave us feeling a sense of loss and disconnection. Celebrate every small step forward and be kind to yourself.

Hi, I’m Angela, a woman who embraces the roles of a loving mom, a devoted wife, and an insightful writer. With two beautiful daughters by my side and an amazing husband as my rock, I navigate the intricate paths of motherhood, marriage, and the complexities of daily life. 

I capture the essence of these experiences, offering insights into the joys, challenges, and triumphs that come with them.

Some may say that one aspect close to my heart is mental health, a topic often shrouded in taboo and secrecy. I fearlessly address the demons of mental health, particularly as they affect mothers and women. Through my writing, I strive to break down barriers, encourage open discussions, and create a sense of unity among those who face similar struggles. 

Join Me on my transformative journey as I fearlessly share my challenges, victories, and the invaluable lessons I have learned. I will lead the way, illuminating the path toward healing and resilience.


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