Lessons in Motherhood

You know those parents who swear their every breath goes straight out of their mouths and into their kid's lungs; the parents who constantly fabricate the truth just for a social media post? Oh you know, the parents who are too afraid to leave their kids with a sitter or constantly running on fumes because their kids must get every ounce of their attention and affection. While I can admit I've been guilty of some of these behaviors myself, I believe there's a better way. Lord knows I’m not even close to a parenting expert. I fumbled into parenthood over a decade ago. Since first seeing those two pink lines, I have definitely grown and evolved as a mother. I have learned some pretty tough lessons along the way; lessons that have completely changed my approach to motherhood. Let’s chat!

Hear me out. I believe that the quality of time we spend with our children is more important than the quantity. It's not our job to entertain them constantly. Many parents have full-time jobs, and kids often have busy schedules with school, sports, and weekend activities. While engaging in play and activities with our children is of course important, we aren’t meant to be their best friend. It's not our role to intervene in every conflict at the playground or stop everything we are doing 24/7 to be at our children’s beck and call.

A wise mother, aka my mom, once told me that dedicating every moment solely to your children can place a big burden on them. If they only associate love with the amount of time we spend volunteering at their school, how will they feel when we are unable to do so? If they only receive praise when they behave perfectly or achieve success, what happens when they falter? It can quickly become a pattern of striving for perfection in order to please mom and dad. I want my children to know that my happiness is not reliant on them. My well-being and happiness are not their responsibility. And my love, yeah that’s unconditional.

Absolutely, we should celebrate our kids’ achievements and cheer them on at their sporting events—I’m a pretty loud cheerleader myself! However, I firmly believe it’s equally important for our kids to also feel seen and heard during their struggles too, whether it’s bringing home a disappointing test grade or not performing well in a game. Those moments are just as crucial for their development.

If we focus solely on praising our kids and putting them on a pedestal, it can quickly shift the emphasis from how our kids truly feel and are doing to how we, as parents, want to be perceived. Ultimately, our children need to learn how to cope with failure, and more importantly, they need to know they are loved and supported by us during those challenging times. My kids are not trophies or props. When all is said and done, I want my kids to succeed but also learn how to fail and find resilience.

I am convinced raising humans is truly one of the hardest jobs. But let me make it a little bit easier by assuring you that our kids do love us unconditionally. They should not be mistaking material things for love. Letting them know on the really hard days that they are loved is what true love is all about. I’m so sick of society putting up these ridiculous standards that the kid whose mom makes homemade bento boxes for 2 hours a night loves their kids more than the mom who hands their kids lunch money. I can tell you right now that I am loved by my kids despite whether I am in the PTA or bake 100 muffins for their school bake sale.

What I have found my kids really want and need is a mom who is present. Let’s be candid for a moment. How often do we find ourselves distracted by our phones during family dinners or movie nights, only to have our kids ask us to put them down? I know mine have brought it up. Even before they say anything, I can sense it. When we plan fun family outings, our kids are genuinely excited, and I’ve realized that what they truly crave is quality time together. Picture this: your child eagerly asks for a fun Saturday night movie with popcorn and candy. You prepare everything, get cozy under the blankets, start the movie, and just a few minutes in, your child glances over to see you more focused on your phone than the film. That speaks volumes. While it’s often unintentional because maybe you have watched Toy Story 6 thousand times already, your kids can feel this disconnect. To them, it sends the message that the phone is more important than the time spent together. You see it’s not really about the movie.

I’m coming to realize that as my kids grow older, the importance of quality time increases, especially since it naturally diminishes as they become more independent.

I strive to be intentional about this every day—well, most days, at least. Working part-time allows me some flexibility during the week to tackle housework, run errands, and focus on projects like my blog. I aim to finish my tasks by 5 or 6, so I can dedicate the evenings to my family. Of course, some days are more chaotic than others. We make it a point to have dinner together 4-5 nights a week, as I truly enjoy hearing about everyone’s day and reconnecting during our busy lives. NO PHONES AT THE TABLE EITHER! Our evenings are usually low-key, but a few times a month, we’ll have a game night or even a dance party at home. It’s all about carving out special time. It’s about setting intentions and being adaptable, understanding that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. Parenting can be challenging and messy at times, but it can also be magical and breathtakingly beautiful.

I’ll be honest—I haven’t always taken this advice to heart. In the early years of my kids’ lives, I wasn’t a very present parent. I’m not claiming to have been a terrible mom, but I certainly wasn’t fully engaged. My mental health was struggling during that time, and I often kept myself so busy that I missed out on many moments and didn’t always make the best choices for my kids. It’s difficult to acknowledge this because I’d like to believe I’ve transformed my approach to parenting, and being a mom has become my absolute favorite role. I am a totally different person than I was back then. It took many mistakes and missteps to reach this point, which is why I often say that parenthood isn’t about reaching a destination; it’s about embracing the life-long journey.

🫶 Caitlin