It is said that the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves, that self-love is one of the basic human necessities. Despite this, there are still far too many of us who don’t know how to love ourselves.
What is Self-Love?
It is not selfish or narcissistic to love ourselves. In fact, self-love is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. It is a deep sense of appreciation that is not tied to any accomplishments or successes, but rather an appreciation of our whole selves as we are in this moment. We don’t have to go out and earn it, it is our birthright.
It is showing ourselves compassion and cherishing what makes us unique. It’s taking charge of our own happiness, instead of giving that power to someone else.
What Happens When We Don’t Love Ourselves, when we are unable to love ourselves? It shows up both physically and emotionally in many different ways:
• Insomnia
• Stress and anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Weight fluctuations
• Memory loss
• Depression
• Headaches
• Chronic pain
• Increased risk of heart attack
When we don’t love ourselves, we tend to push good things away because we feel that we are unworthy of them. We choose relationships that are unhealthy, believing that we don’t deserve better. We undermine opportunities (often unconsciously), all because we believe that we are not good enough for something greater.
We struggle to take care of ourselves because we have trouble prioritizing our needs, even the basic ones. Self-sabotaging becomes an unconscious habit, developing over years of believing that we matter less than everyone else and don’t deserve good things in our lives.
Why Is It So Hard to Love Ourselves?
If loving ourselves is so important, why do so many of us find it impossible to do?
One reason is because we have been taught to put others’ needs before our own. Well-meaning caregivers instilling the notion that it is narcissistic to love ourselves and selfish to put our own needs first. Unfortunately, what they forgot to teach us, was that when we give everything to others, there is nothing left for us and eventually we will burnout and be no good to anyone.
Making Comparisons
As humans, we also have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others. We look on Instagram and Facebook and see the highlight reel of people’s lives; all the perfect moments they have captured. We see them looking beautiful and living perfect lives and wonder why we can’t be like that? We feel less, unworthy.
We forget that people only share what they want us to see. They don’t show us their vulnerable moments. They don’t take pictures of themselves with no makeup and messy hair.
Comparing ourselves to others is not a loving act. We are our own individual person on our own individual path. On top of that, often the people we compare ourselves to, are much further along in their journey. More then likely, they were once exactly where you are.
Try this Loving Act: Stop making comparisons! You are a perfect and unique individual. There is no one as special as you!
Negative Self-Talk
Our words and our thoughts have power. What we say and think about ourselves becomes what we believe about ourselves.
The thoughts we repeat become our truth. For example, if we keep telling ourselves that we are unlovable, we will become unlovable. The more you think it, the more it becomes true for you. You have trained your brain to believe you are unlovable and now your brain actively seeks out experiences to prove that you are in fact unlovable.
If you instead decide to tell yourself, “I am lovable” eventually your brain will believe it and go out of its way to prove that you are lovable.
One way to get your negative self-talk under control is the Stop-Rewind trick. Anytime you catch yourself saying or thinking something negative about yourself, say “Stop-Rewind” then say something positive about yourself instead. This will help train you to only speak about yourself in a positive way.
Another Loving Act: Say nice things to yourself!
Learning to Love Yourself
How can you start loving yourself? By showing yourself a little love everyday. If you consistently show yourself love, you will start to feel loved and begin believing you are worthy of that love. That is how self-love develops.
Here are some ways to show yourself a little love:
* Meditate at least 3-4 times a week
* Keep a Gratitude Journal
* Make a list of all the things that make you awesome and add to it regularly
* Celebrate your wins, big and small
* Honour your emotions
* Create and maintain strong boundaries (don’t put up with other peoples crap)
* Schedule “me time” regularly and do the things you love
* Write yourself a love letter
Self-Love is the most important love!
Loving yourself is truly the most important thing you can do. When you love yourself, you have more love to share with others and the energy to do it. It gives you the strength to overcome the challenges that life throws at you and helps you make better decisions. Self-love gives you the courage to take risks and follow your dreams.
I’m Tiffany McCullough from Metaphysical Mama. I am a spiritual counsellor and self-love coach. I help spiritually inclined women learn how to love themselves, so they have the confidence to go out and live the life of their dreams.
You can get to know me better here:
or book your free breakthrough session here: calendly.com/metaphysicalmama/free-session!
For more information feel free to email me at tiffany@metaphysicalmama.com