The Universal Truths of Parenting: Things We Swore We’d Never Do or Say Until We Had Kids

There are certain things about parenting that I think every mother can relate to. Things nobody really prepares you for. Things you won’t find in a book. Things you judge before you become a parent, swear you’ll never do, and then find yourself doing five years later while questioning every life decision that brought you to that moment. Let’s be honest. Parenting has a funny way of humbling you. Let’s chat!

Family pictures: Otherwise known as hell on earth. You spend hours picking out coordinating outfits, bribing children, fixing hair, wiping tears, and reminding everyone to smile. By the time the photographer says, “Just one more,” you’re mentally planning your escape. But somehow, in that chaos, you get one picture where everyone looks in the same general direction. Frame it. It’s a miracle!

TV & Electronics: “My child will never sit in front of a television. And we are only allowing 15 minutes of tablet time once a week.” Oh, honey. Just wait. One day you’ll discover that a 20-minute episode of Bluey can buy you enough uninterrupted time to shower, make dinner, or stare at a wall in peace. And you’ll never look back.

The car snacks. Your car is no longer a vehicle. It's a mobile pantry with crushed Goldfish, stale Cheerios, and mysterious sticky substances. Now that my kids are older, we have replaced cracker crumbs with stinky sports equipment.

The grocery store meltdown: Remember when you’d see a child kicking, screaming, and having an all-out meltdown in the middle of a store and think to yourself, My child would NEVER behave like that in public.

Fast-forward a few years, and you’re carrying a 25-pound human over your shoulder while they scream bloody murder because you bought the wrong color fruit snacks. Suddenly, you lock eyes with another mom across the aisle. No words are exchanged. No explanation is necessary. Just a mutual look of understanding that says, We’ve all been there, sister.

Dinner time: Oh, sweet girl. You really thought everyone would sit around the table, eat the same meal, and enjoy meaningful family conversations? Instead, you'll become a short-order cook, negotiate over how many bites constitute enough, and watch someone cry because their food is touching. You'll beg them to eat something, anything, while they survive on three crackers and half a banana. And somehow, you'll do it all again tomorrow.

Potty Training: Listen, potty training was almost the death of me. I tell all my friends with babies, DO NOT come to me looking for potty training advice because I have NOTHING. However, if you need a shoulder to cry on and a fellow mom to assure you that your child will not still be crapping their pants in their 20s, I got you!

I, like many other moms, went into potty training thinking, How hard can this really be? I bought all the books, movies, sticker charts, and treats. I put together a fun little treasure box and everything. Ladies, when I tell you I tried every method known to man, I mean EVERY method. I cannot tell you how many tears were cried between me and my children. Ultimately, it took a Disney World vacation bribe for both of my kids. (We already had the trips planned, but shhh… they didn’t know that.) Not my finest parenting moment, but I had to do what I had to do.

I wanted to include potty training on this list because I think we all know those oh-so-fortunate moms whose children somehow figure out the whole potty situation by age two. No accidents. No pull ups. Just happily skipping off to the bathroom like they’ve been doing it their whole lives. Meanwhile, the rest of us are questioning what we’re doing wrong, why our child isn’t catching on, and whether we’ll ever be able to leave the house without packing an entire change of clothes. But here’s the thing: every child develops differently, and potty training is no exception. Sometimes, the harder we push and the more we try to control the situation, the more frustrated both we and our kids become. Some kids catch on quickly, and others take their sweet time. Neither means you’re doing something wrong or that your child is behind. It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, and I promise you, nobody is handing out trophies for the earliest potty-trained toddler. So take a breath, stock up on the wipes, and remember that this too shall pass. Even if it feels like it never will.

Bedtime: You start the process at 7:30. There’s a sudden need for water, a bathroom trip, another bathroom trip, a missing stuffed animal, a question about dinosaurs, and an urgent desire to discuss something that happened at preschool three Tuesdays ago. Somehow, it’s 9:15 and you’re still negotiating. Sound familiar?

For expectant mothers and brand-new moms, I do have one piece of solid advice that someone gave me when I was pregnant with my first: BEDTIME IS BUSINESS! I sleep-trained both of my babies pretty young. Was it hard listening to them cry? Absolutely. But they eventually learned to self-soothe, and by around three months, we had a pretty solid sleep routine. Once I got those kids sleeping through the night, we never looked back. And let me tell you, nobody appreciated a full night’s sleep more than I did!

Now, before anyone comes for me, I know every baby is different. My kids didn’t have any medical issues, and I recognize that sleep training isn’t the right approach for every family. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that sleep is EVERYTHING during that first year of motherhood. You need it, your marriage needs it, and honestly, everyone in that household benefits from it. So establish that bedtime routine, protect it like your life depends on it, and don’t underestimate the value of a baby who knows when it’s time to go to bed. You’re welcome.

Keeping the romance alive: Remember when you were dating or newly married and swore you’d NEVER become one of those couples who stopped dating each other once kids entered the picture? You’d still have super frequent date nights and engage in spicy time at least three a week. THREE TIMES A WEEK! 😂 Oh, the confidence of young, childless love. Fast forward to having little kids, and suddenly a date night requires a babysitter, a calendar invitation, and three weeks of planning. By 9 p.m., you’re both exhausted, one of you is asleep on the couch, and the most romantic thing either of you can think of is getting eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Forget flowers. Bring me a good night’s rest.

But here’s the thing: the spark isn’t necessarily gone. Sometimes it’s just buried under laundry, snack requests, sports schedules, and sheer exhaustion. And as the kids get older, you start finding little pieces of yourselves and each other again. You make time for each other, have actual conversations without interruptions, and remember that you’re more than just Mom and Dad. It gets easier. I promise. But those little-kid years? They’re no joke.

The birthday parties. They are a full-time production involving invitations, decorations, goodie bags, RSVPs, food allergies, entertainment, and approximately 37 children running around like they’ve never been outside before. But would you really have it any other way?!

The things we swore we would never say: “Because I said so.”

“I’m not your maid.”

“If I have to stop this car…”

You hear your own mother coming out of your mouth and realize it’s already too late.

Bribery: We all swear we're never going to be those parents who bribe their children with treats, toys, or screen time just to get them to cooperate. We won't give in. We won't negotiate. We certainly won't use snacks as a bargaining tool. Oh, mama. Yes, you will. You will absolutely offer a lollipop in exchange for five minutes of peace, promise ice cream for good behavior, give in to the occasional toy to stop the whining, or hand over a bag of Goldfish just to get through one more errand without a meltdown. And you know what? Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Pick your battles, keep the snacks handy, and never underestimate the power of a well-timed bribe.

Vacations: Oh the fun reality of vacationing with littles. As much as we love making memories, family vacations aren't always the relaxing getaway we imagine them to be. Between packing, planning, keeping everyone entertained AND alive, breaking up arguments, and making sure nobody forgets anything, sometimes you come home feeling like you need a vacation from your vacation. But those memories, the laughs, and the time spent together are worth every bit of the chaos. It's just that sometimes, motherhood doesn't take a vacation, even when you do. Trips do get much easier when the kiddos get a little older and more self-sufficient! Here is my daughter eating sand 10 years ago ⬇️

The school projects and spirit days: Nothing like remembering at 8:47 p.m. that your child needs a shoebox, 14 cotton balls, and a family tree by tomorrow morning. And if you haven’t yet experienced the hell that is school spirit week, consider yourself lucky. It's basically a weeklong scavenger hunt for clothing items you didn't know your child needed. Oh and late night Walmart runs to find the perfect hat for wacky hat day.

Travel sports:  Growing up, I was a band girly, not a sporty girl. I wasn’t exactly out there dreaming of spending my weekends at a soccer field. Well, look at me now. Just call me Sporty Spice. Multiple kids in multiple sports, weekends booked months in advance, coolers packed, lawn chairs loaded, and snacks packed. My calendar looks like I’m managing a professional sports franchise. I won’t lie, youth sports isn’t what it used to be. It takes a lot of time, commitment, hard work, and resilience BUT I LOVE that my kids are involved in travel sports. Yes, there are early mornings, long weekends, missed birthday parties, questionable concession stand dinners, and enough laundry to keep Tide in business, but the pros far outweigh the cons. I love watching them find something they’re passionate about, work hard, be part of a team, make friendships, experience the wins, learn from the losses, and leave their hearts out on the field.

Ladies, the little kid years are HARD. Really hard. They will test your patience, your marriage, your friendships, and your sanity! But one day, the car seats come out, the kids can buckle themselves, family pictures don't require a hostage negotiation, and you might actually enjoy a dinner out without cutting someone's food into tiny pieces.

You realize you survived a season that sometimes felt never-ending. So let's give ourselves a little grace. We're not always going to get it right. We're going to contradict the parenting philosophies we once preached, lose our patience, eat cold dinners, and occasionally hide in the bathroom for five minutes of peace. And that's okay. Because parenting isn't about being the perfect mom we imagined we'd be before we had kids. It's about loving the little humans we actually have, showing up, laughing when we can, apologizing when we need to, and figuring it out as we go.

And as much as I hate to say it, here’s another universal truth: Parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier as they get older. It just gets harder in different ways. Physically, I think it does get easier. You’re not constantly chasing little people, carrying diaper bags, or trying to keep everyone alive while simultaneously keeping your house from looking like a tornado came through. But mentally? That’s a whole different story.

Bigger problems and bigger worries start to creep in, and that’s the season of parenting I’m in now. And don’t get me wrong, there is SO much to love about this phase. Having actual, coherent conversations around the dinner table, watching your kids discover their passions and excel at the things they love, getting to know the friends they make, seeing their personalities develop, and finally having a little more time and energy to prioritize your marriage again. There are so many beautiful parts of watching your kids grow up. But the problems tend to grow right alongside them.

Suddenly, diaper blowouts and temper tantrums seem like a walk in the park compared to navigating bullying, academic pressures, and the attitudes of preteens and teenagers who are trying to figure out who they are. You can’t always fix their problems, kiss their boo-boos, or distract them with a snack. Sometimes all you can do is listen, guide, reassure, and hope you’ve given them the tools to navigate whatever comes their way.

And that might be one of the hardest parts of parenting: learning when to step in, when to step back, and when to simply let them know you’re always in their corner. The truth is, parenting is hands down one of the hardest and most thankless jobs there is. It asks so much of you, often without recognition, a paycheck, or even a thank you. And just when you think you’ve figured out one stage, another one comes along and humbles you all over again. But I suppose that’s the beauty of it, too. Every phase brings new challenges, new lessons, and new opportunities to grow. Turns out, the kids aren’t the only ones growing up. We’re growing right alongside them ❤️ I can’t think of a more beautiful thing!